Waterford Dating: Your Guide to Tinder
So. I joined tinder about two months ago here and thus far it’s been….well…an interesting decision!
I have seen some things I would rather not have seen. Tractor parts. Animal parts. Plenty of ex shifts. You get the idea.
However, I do not like to think of myself as a nit picker!
It has occurred to me, that, while there are plenty of fish in the sea here, there was always something stopping me from reeling one in. I know you’re all lovely, you gorgeous Waterford lads and lassies, but sometimes, something is getting in the way of that coveted Super Like !
So to aid all romantics out there, here is my (tongue in cheek*) Waterford in Your Pocket Guide to Tinder, to help you progress from online dating into real world mating 😉
Phase One: The Faux Toes
Let’s call a spade a spade. Its not vain or shallow to say it- we are all reviewing the physics of things firsthand on tinder, so showing your best side in those profile photos is a must !
That being said, I’ve noticed that some blokes out there, who, had the opportunity to make a nice friendly introduction, sort of made me feel like they wanted my wallat and keys more than a date?…
This is the kind of pose I’m seeing plenty of-stern, serious….and a little scary! Now, many of you may want to appear manly and burly, and I’m sure you are, but I can’t help but feel like I’m on Garda crimecall instead of tinder. So my cardinal rule to all swipers is…. to smile! It is proven to make you appear more attractive so show me ‘dem dentures in ‘dem pics please!
Outside of over serious profile photos there are some others I would warn against , namely:
Photos too close to the camera ( the kind your dad takes when he tries to do a selfie)
Photos of farm machinery(do I need to explain why?)
Photos of anything below the waist
Group photos( I don’t know who you are?)
Photos with sunglasses ( you cant hide the truth with raybans)
And lastly, photos with other women(I know you’re trying to seem pro feminist-but you come across more bigamist)
To cut to the chase-just get a friend to choose a photo of you for your profile. Preferably the kind of friend who you have kept around for their honesty. You might think you look nothing short of spectacular in your Sunday morning selfie. I certainly have! Thankfully I was blessed with a sister kind enough to tell me when I look like an absolute gabshite. Find the person who will give it to you straight, and let them choose the photos! Plural. Please for the love of God upload more than one photo.
Phase Two: The BS, I mean, Bio
The bio is where it’s all up for the taking. I know you may feel you’re fighting a losing battle to a vanity circus here, but honestly, sometimes a girl like me can be lured in by an interesting profile! I have swiped right just because a guy mentioned a quote from a movie I loved, or had a very witty one liner, so put your thinking cap on-or you know, at least Google something funny from Father Ted
Here is what I would advise against in the bio:
Saying you’re a full time mad bastard( It’s been done to death)
Saying you prefer blondes/petite women etc. (you’ll definitely end up alone)
Saying you’re just “looking for a nice girl” /“you said you’d give tinder a go”. (Cue obvious and unoriginal)
To sum up you’ve got to get creative! I recently read a bio that said “You have just begun reading the sentence you have finished reading”. Strange. But it made the person standout. If you feel any other physical details would help, insert them here too. –ie height, sports orientation etc. If you’re a six foot swimmer, you shouldnt be letting that go unnoticed. Whatever you say, say something! You’re missing out on matches if you leave it blank.
Phase Three: The Introduction
Lastly , let’s look at the crunch moment. You’ve made the match, now you need to write the message
I can tell you right away that this is not going to get you anywhere.
It’s a nice sentiment. But nice is boring. And no one came on tinder for boring.
Please please do whatever it takes to avoid a generic introduction. Look for something, anything, in their photos to strike up a conversation. Then, before you hit send, take a second to do a quick proofread/spell check, as text speak can be very offputting( don’t call me luv, huni or bbz). And finally, please DON’T text again when you haven’t heard back! It’s really not worth your time… or dignity
On a final note, if, like me, you’re chancing your arm on Tinder, take it all with a pinch of salt! It can lead to true love, or true identity theft-either way, sure isn’t it all a bit of craic!? And remember, here at Waterford in Your Pocket, we would always swipe right for you;) Happy Tindering!
*Please note this entire article is meant to be satirical! No offence intended.
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